Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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