yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
