Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
