I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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