so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
