And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
