my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
