I'm lost and stupid without you.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
