accomplished twins. life is a go
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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