After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
