I wish I could teleport
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My bed smells like the plague
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