ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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