I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
