She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
