I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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