please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
