i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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