It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
