i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
