the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
