I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
