The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
