it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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