Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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