I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize