i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
