So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
