After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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