Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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