mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
