my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
