Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
