who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
