theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
