What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
