Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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