I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sober January is a disaster.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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