you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
