i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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