What a fucking waste of an outfit
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
