There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Duck Duck Cougar?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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