she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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