I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize