How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
