Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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