You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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