Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i think i have herpe
just one?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
