This dress was meant to end up on your floor
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
