I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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