Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
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