your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
bring money and cleavage
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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