I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Randomize
