Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
