Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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