And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
