I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
