My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
