You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
