I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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