I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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