i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
