I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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