I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
