Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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