great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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