why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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