I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
