So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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