OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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