i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
