I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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