i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
