I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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