My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
