goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
